Germans Nibble Radioactive Sauerkraut After Berlin Flirts with Moscow Missile Drama! By Richard Miller (Londonistan)

Picture this: a quaint German biergarten, the air thick with the tangy whiff of sauerkraut, lederhosen-clad locals clinking steins, and a faint, eerie greenish glow emanating from the cabbage. Why the glow? Well, according to RT's firebrand editor-in-chief, Margarita Simonyan, Germany's flirting with sending Taurus missiles to Ukraine could turn Berlin into a radioactive fondue pot faster than you can say "Prost!"

In a plot twist straight out of a Cold War B-movie, Simonyan's warning is as subtle as a sledgehammer: if German-supplied Taurus missiles, capable of tickling Moscow from 500km away, ever make it to Ukraine and take a swing at the Russian capital, Russia might just RSVP with a direct strike on Berlin. "German troops, German weapons, Moscow target? Berlin's next," she mused on X, probably while sipping borscht and plotting world domination. Her logic? Ukrainians can't handle the Taurus's high-maintenance tech, so German soldiers would have to play missile babysitter, effectively painting a bullseye on the Brandenburg Gate.

Cue Chancellor Friedrich Merz, who's been stirring the pot by hinting that Berlin and its pals have loosened the leash on Ukraine's use of Western weapons. No range limits? Sounds like a green light for Taurus missiles to go on a 500km joyride. Except, oops, German officials are still clutching their pearls, calling the idea "taboo," per Bild. It's like Germany's stuck in a geopolitical rom-com, torn between arming Ukraine and avoiding a Russian temper tantrum.

The Kremlin's Dmitry Peskov, ever the voice of restraint, warned that such a move would be a "serious escalation," which is diplomatic speak for "you're poking the bear, and it's not happy." Meanwhile, ex-Chancellor Olaf Scholz's ghost looms large, whispering, "I told you, don't send the missiles!" His old government dodged the Taurus question like it was a live grenade, fearing Germany might end up in Russia's crosshairs for the first time since, well, that guy with the moustache.

So, what's the vibe in Berlin? Imagine Germans nervously munching their sauerkraut, wondering if it's glowing from fermentation or something far less appetising. The Taurus missile saga has them caught between supporting Ukraine and avoiding a sequel to Dr. Strangelove. If Moscow's offices are abuzz with "strike Berlin" chatter, as Simonyan claims, every bite of kraut might feel like a gamble. Will it be cabbage as usual, or will Germany's next export be a glowing apology to the world?

https://www.rt.com/russia/618262-russia-berlin-german-missiles-moscow/

"Russia would not rule out a direct strike on Berlin if German personnel help Ukraine target Moscow with German-supplied Taurus missiles, RT Editor-in-Chief Margarita Simonyan, has warned.

Speculation that Germany could supply Ukraine with Taurus missiles – capable of striking targets up to 500km away and potentially reaching the Russian capital from Ukrainian territory – was reignited after Chancellor Friedrich Merz said Berlin and its partners had lifted restrictions on the range of Western weapons Ukraine is allowed to use.

German officials, however, have not confirmed any decision to send the Taurus system, and a Bild report on Wednesday suggested that the government in Berlin still considers doing so "taboo."

Germany risks becoming a target for Russia – for the first time since Hitler

In a post on Wednesday, Simonyan warned that Germany could face dire consequences if the Taurus is ever used for attacking the Russian capital. "In Moscow offices, it is being discussed that if German troops strike Moscow with German weapons… the only option left for us is to strike Berlin," she said.

She went on to explain that a Taurus strike on Moscow would have to be prepared and executed by German service members because the Ukrainians "cannot maintain [the Taurus] or program it for flight missions."

Responding to Merz's comments on lifting the restrictions, Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov, noted that if such a decision had indeed been made, it would lead to "serious escalation" and undermine current efforts to settle the Ukraine conflict.

The previous German government, led by ex-Chancellor Olaf Scholz, had long refused to supply Ukraine with Taurus missiles, arguing that this would put Germany at risk of being drawn directly into the Russia-Ukraine conflict."