Bristol, you emerald jewel of progressive innovation! The Green-led council of Bedminster has unveiled its latest masterpiece: giant green spots splattered across Greville Road, conjuring a mystical solution to the chaos of traffic! Dubbed a "traffic-calming scheme," these verdant polka dots are the stuff of legend, part eco-sorcery, part hypnotic trance. Are they casting a calming spell on drivers, lulling them into a zen-like state with their vibrant hue? Or is this just another dose of Green Party hypnosis, enchanting ratepayers while leaving cyclists skidding into oblivion? Let's dive into the magical madness of Bristol's green spot saga.
Picture the scene: residents of Greville Road wake to find their street transformed into a giant game of eco-Twister, with lime-green circles dotting the asphalt like the work of a rogue wizard. Theories swirled, was it alien graffiti? A guerrilla art project? A portal to a greener dimension? No, dear citizens, it's merely the council's latest stroke of genius, confirmed by transport committee chair Ed Plowden as a response to pleas for less "through-traffic" and safer streets. Because nothing screams "safety" like painting slippery green splotches on a road already deemed a cyclist's nightmare by locals like Tracy Francis, who fears her bike tyres will slide into the abyss come the next rain.
The council, in its infinite wisdom, is chasing a "vision-zero" dream, zero road accidents by 2030, unanimously voted in 2023. And what better way to achieve this than with green spots that, presumably, hypnotise drivers into slowing down? Forget speed bumps, pedestrian crossings, or proper signage, those are so last century. These enchanted dots, radiating calming vibes, are clearly imbued with the ancient magic of the Green Party's eco-spirit. One can almost imagine drivers gazing into the neon abyss, their road rage melting away as they hum Kumbaya and coast at a serene 5 mph. It's like a druidic spell, minus the robes but with extra paint.
But let's not be hasty, perhaps there's science behind this sorcery. Could the green spots be a Pavlovian trigger, conditioning drivers to associate lime with tranquillity? Or maybe they're a nod to Bristol's proud history of… well, green things? Either way, the council's bold alchemy has left residents spellbound, some with awe, others with confusion. Tracy Francis, our intrepid cyclist, isn't buying the magic. She's more concerned about skidding into a green-induced wipeout than achieving nirvana. And who can blame her? When the rains hit, those dots might as well be enchanted ice rinks, sending bikes into a pirouette of peril.
Conservative Councillor Mark Weston, ever the sceptic, has branded this scheme "absolutely insane," suggesting the council might have better things to do, like, say, fixing potholes or funding actual safety measures. But why bother with mundane solutions when you can wield the power of green hypnosis? The council's budget, apparently an endless cauldron of taxpayer gold, is better spent on these mystical markings than on boring things like infrastructure. Who needs smooth roads when you've got spots that whisper, "Slow down, mortal, and bask in my verdant glow"?
Let's not forget the broader context: Bristol's Green council is on a quest to save the planet, one green dot at a time. While lesser mortals fuss over practicalities, these eco-mages are weaving a tapestry of sustainability. The green spots aren't just paint, they're a statement, a vibe, a cosmic middle finger to the fossil-fuelled chaos of modern life. If they happen to cause a few cyclist crashes and deaths, or bewilder drivers, that's just collateral damage in the war for a greener tomorrow. And if the spell fails? Well, there's always more paint.
So here's to Bristol's Green council, boldly casting its traffic-calming enchantment across Bedminster's streets. Whether it's a stroke of magical genius or a hypnotic misstep, one thing's certain: those green spots have us all under their spell, laughing, slipping, and wondering what potion they'll brew next. Abracadabra, Bristol, keep the magic coming!
The Greens never stop giving us things to ridicule!
"A Green-led council has been branded "absolutely insane" after it painted big green spots on a road to "calm the traffic". The Telegraph has the story.
Residents in Bedminster, Bristol, were left confused after a series of green dots were painted on Greville Road.
Various theories circled the street while Bristol city council initially said it was "investigating".
However, it has now been confirmed they were painted as part of a traffic-calming scheme.
Ed Plowden, a councillor and chairman of the transport and connectivity committee, said the markings had been placed in response to residents who had requested a reduction in "through-traffic and improve safety in the area".
It comes after the council unanimously voted to pass a motion from Green councillors calling for a "vision-zero" approach to road safety in 2023. The motion aimed to achieve zero road related accidents within Bristol by 2030.
However Tracy Francis, a resident who often uses her bicycle within the area, was concerned about how these dots would impact her as a cyclist.
Ms Francis said that road was already "slippery" and she was worried that the additional markings would mean that her "bike tyres will slide away", especially when the roads were wet.
Cllr Mark Weston of the Conservative party said the road markings were an "absolutely insane" attempt to balance traffic, and argued there were other more important ways the council could be spending its time and money."